The last few months one of my kids has been stuck in negative mode. This kid has been more argumentative and difficult than ever before. I have read so many articles, listened to parenting podcasts, and spoken with several friends to try and figure out how to help this kid that I absolutely adore, but is definitely trying my patience. The thought to buy this kid a journal came to me. This kid (actually all of my kids) already has a journal. I kind of brushed off the feeling. One day I ended up speaking with a friend that told me how she had had some difficulties with one of her kids in a similar way. She told me that she bought a journal to use at night with her child. This idea immediately got my attention as I had already had the idea to get my kid a journal, I just wasn’t sure what to do with it.
She said she went in to her child’s room right before bed and asked them 3 questions to help them reflect about the day. She shared with me that as a result of these questions, her child has been able to think more positively during the day and that she in turn was able to understand and appreciate her kid more. Oh my word. This was just what I needed. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to sell my kid on the idea of doing it at first, but ultimately it could benefit us both if I were consistent.
Soooo, I bought a journal. I began going in to this kid’s room right before bed. I lay on the floor or on the bed with my kid and write down the answers that are given. My kid doesn’t have to write anything, only think and respond. I don’t need another battle or complaint that they are not interested in doing it. I ask my kid the following questions
1. What went well today, or what are you grateful for? Sometimes, it takes a little bit of time to get an answer. If my kid is struggling to answer this question, I offer suggestions of what I think went well that day, but it is always more effective when the idea comes from my kid instead of me.
2. What did you work hard at today, or what did you do well? My friend said that she realized that her child was always in better spirits when her child had worked hard at something that day. I have noticed that this questions definitely brightens my kid’s mood when the answer is obvious.
3. How did you see God’s hand in your life today, or how did you feel the spirit? This is by far the hardest question that we talk about. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize His hand in our lives. We’ve talked about times where my kid has been spontaneously happy, or times that my kid has felt awe during the day–like from nature or the like. This one causes me to also reflect and consider where His hand has been present in my own life. We often say that each of us will try harder to recognize the Lord’s hand in our life.
I have come to know my kid in a different way as a result of this practice, and while we are not perfect about getting to it every night, and sometimes this kid is not available to do it, this kid knows that I am doing my best to show them my love. We don’t always agree, we still argue some, but improvement seems to be coming and that is all I can ask for!
If you find yourself in a particularly tricky spot with one of your own kids, or maybe in your own life, give it a try. Change your focus, adjust your lens, this practice will help you improve your positivity!! Feel free to also alter the questions in the way that seems best for you and your situation. Your fruits may not be evident immediately, but good things come to those who wait, and work persistently!! Good luck!
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Kayleen
