Some people say that if you want to know what your talents are ask the people closest to you and they can help you find out. While I think there is truth to that, I think sometimes the people closest to us can also be our worst critics and might end up influencing us to hold ourselves back. Let me explain.
My oldest has never really loved sports. He doesn’t dislike them either, he’s just always been indifferent about them. I had him play soccer for a few years when he was younger and he always ever did just ok, not terrible, not great, just fine. I grew up with 5 brothers that all loved sports, so this was new territory for me, a boy that didn’t love sports. I played several sports growing up and so did my husband, so neither of us really knew how to not encourage him to participate in sports. I realize that this may sound naïve, it was just our life experience. I ended up putting him in the elementary school’s running club–with his permission, of course. I think it is important for all of us to be active in some way–to learn how to move our body in a way that keeps us healthy both physically and mentally. This kid also did just ok in running, but would say that he enjoyed it, so I kept him involved in it. I didn’t need him to be an Olympian, just have some physical activity in his life. My other kids have also been in this running club. When I cheer on my other kids they respond by trying harder. This kid would just shrug when I’d cheer. I began to cheer just a little less for him, not because I loved him less, but because it didn’t seem to be helping him in any way. As an aside, this kid is a great pianist and violinist. He is definitely musically talented. I guess I just decided that music would be his thing.
Fast forward a couple years to 8th grade cross country. He told me he’d like to participate and I was surprised. As in, I said, “You realize that they run a couple of miles at a time, right?” He laughed and said he knew. I signed him up. He did fine at his first race, then better at his next race, then even better at his 3rd. While he never came in the top 10, he definitely and obviously improved his time by 30 seconds to a minute for his first 3 races–which any runner will tell you is an accomplishment! Then he decided to start running on his own if they didn’t have practice. He’d always dread going to run, but always came back with his spirits lifted and feeling accomplished.
If you had told me 3 years ago that this kid of mine would be actively participating in running events with personal satisfaction I would have laughed out loud. While I know that he isn’t likely to win state or get a scholarship for his running, I am so happy for him to have found something to get him moving. Running will bless his health for as long as he chooses to engage in it. There are lessons in conquering-self that I could never fully teach him without his experiencing it on his own.
So, after all of this running feeling like a win, this week he had his first track meet of the season. He participated in track last year as well, competing in long jump, and discus–he really wanted to try hurdles last year, but I discouraged him from doing it. I told him that they are hard and require some fast coordination. It was ok, he enjoyed the other events that he participated in. This year he signed up for hurdles. This year I did my best to keep my doubts to myself. It is ok for kids to fail and learn to to pick themselves up, both figuratively and literally as I believed would be the case for the hurdles my son was about to navigate.
Right before his race, I was so nervous for him–why do we get so nervous when our kids are about to compete or perform!?! The gun went off and they started. Turns out, he didn’t trip! He was doing well!! He came in 3rd for his heat!! I was so happy for him and so sad that I had discouraged him from trying it last year. He did so much better than I ever would have guessed he’d do–who am I to discourage him from trying something out? I am his mom and I know he can do great things, but really, his failures or successes shouldn’t be determined by my doubts. I learned, anew, that if my kids want to try something out, while I can certainly provide some counsel, I do not want my voice to be the voice of doubt that they hear in their head–unless we’re talking about jumping from a building :)!
I hope I remember this experience. May we not be the hurdles our kids trip over while trying to find their passions in life!!
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Kayleen
