A Connection at the Crossroads: 5 Great Times to Bond with your Children Daily!

Once those first few crucial years of bonding and nurturing evolve into days of school for your children, you will see that as parents, one of our greatest contributions will be at the crossroads of our children’s day. You can be that soft landing and voice of encouragement in those moments in between school, activities and sleep. They need you!

Your daily interactions that are consistent are your family rituals! Your family rituals done over years become your family culture! This doesn’t happen by accident it takes intention and commitment. We all certainly want a family culture of warmth, support and one that encourages the success of each member. Chances are, you are already doing some amazing things with your kids! Here are a few ideas that are proven for creating a close knit and successful family!

The most vital hint for success in these connections: Put your phone down! Seriously. We seem so tethered to our devices, but these small connections will be exponentially more effective if you are 100% present! Each of these moments of connection are brief, ranging from 3 minutes at the least to 30 minutes at the most! If you add it all up, it is approximately 60 minutes a day. It is important to have your hands free and your eyes available to hear the whole conversation. 70% of communication is non verbal! You are forging life-long connections and making memories, let the memories you make be of a loved one who is present!

The Daily Send Off: Isn’t the morning a smidge of chaos? We definitely have wonderful systems in place (another here) but difficulties arise, ranging from forgetting homework, losing a shoe, sibling squabbles, to not hearing an alarm and etc. These moments produce a fair amount of bedlam when trying to get all the people to all the places in the morning. Don’t let the circumstances control your demeanor! If you are stressed in the morning, that definitely is contagious to your children and will only multiply the difficulty. Aim to be the calm despite the storm! Choose to be the helpful person who grabs a water bottle for your son, helps with cute (or just presentable) 🙂 hair and most of all gives them that hug and genuine eye contact saying : You are awesome! “Get out there, work hard and shine today.”

2. Volunteer to help at the school. Being in the classroom teaches you so much about your child’s day! You get a feeling for the teacher, you see how your child is interacting with other students and you often hear what activities are coming up! Plus you get to aid overworked teachers in bringing a little sunshine into their lives. For years, I have read out loud in my children’s classes on Fridays! The teacher gets 30 minutes to work with another student or get caught up on lesson plans and I get to help students get excited about books! Win-Win right there! Plus my kiddos LOVE when I come into their classroom. There are lots of ways to volunteer, be creative and offer your help. Some volunteers come in once a month-also fantastic!

3. After School Snack: My favorite crossroad to be 100% present is right when my kiddos get out of school. (Snack & conversation ideas here!) I met a mom once who always wanted to do the after school pick-up portion of the car pool. In her view, that is when her kids were most likely to divulge the good and bad of their lives. I can see the wisdom. I have not always run the afternoon carpool, but I am pretty determined to prepare a snack and be there for the 10 minutes that kids are willing to download! You can too. I ask about tests, recess and projects, and I also ask for funny moments of the day! Then I make eye contact and listen. I want to hear their stories, jot things on the calendar that are coming up, bemoan hard situations and laugh at the funny! I also use the end of this snack time to talk through activities, chores and such that need to be accomplished before dinner. I definitely try to give this a team feel, because we are in fact a team striving together to be our best.

4. Dinner together as a Family There are fantastic studies about the power of eating dinner together as a family. One therapist has blatantly said she would be out of a job if families would eat dinner together. (See her work here!) There was a study that examined incoming college freshman attending Stanford University. The study discovered that the one surprising aspect these high performing students from many different cultures had in common was eating dinner together in their families. Bottom line, the evidence shows that children who consistently share a meal in a manner where they can connect with their family fare better mentally, socially, physically and truly in every area! In our house we range from delicious well balanced meals to hastily prepared left overs, but we aim to sit down together every day! It is definitely part of our culture. Please know we also have children coming and going to activities and we often adjust so most of us can sit down together consistently. My friend prepares a beautiful breakfast for her family every morning and that is the meal they gather together! See here for more ideas for fun conversations, table manners and connection ideas for dinner.

5. Good Night Rituals: When my kiddos were little we read a book, sang a song, offered prayers and hugged good night. My youngest kiddos are currently teenagers. We read scriptures together and kneel in family prayer and hug or high five depending on the mood of the kiddos present. 🙂 We see each other’s faces, give encouragement and also say “I love you!” In a parenting class years ago, the facilitator mentioned the power of positive words before going to bed! Please know in our home there are also corrections, stress and late nights of homework, but overall the focus and ritual is connection and love. 🙂

Bottom line: Keep showing up! Be there in the morning when they are trying to wrangle their chaos and get out the door. Greet them when they come home from school (or when you come home from work)! And connect with them before they go to bed. Say those sweet words that truly are the heart of your connection. I love you! You mean a lot to me! I’m so glad to be your mom or dad! These moments are the building blocks that tether us together. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass. Take that next step to forging those connections and making memories. Be flexible and forgiving of them and yourself! Your family needs you and truthfully, we all need your strong family! You can build something amazing, moments at a time!