Hello friends! Today’s lesson on etiquette will be 2-part. First we will examine the words we say and then let’s talk about a myriad of activities that are actually meant to be private. Teaching these rules of refinement to your kids and practicing them ourselves will truly create an environment in which creativity can flourish and people can feel at ease. Sounds amazing right? Yep! Pretty dreamy! I will present the ideals and working together we can blend them with the reality of every day life riddled with adventure, some strife and definitely the humor that little humans bring!
In discussing our manner of speech, I will not touch so much upon our vocabulary as on the topics. However, while I am here, please know that swearing has always been a sure sign of a lack of vocabulary and there are so many other clever words to give your thoughts expression. Don’t limit yourself to the overused vulgar ones. There is a reason why those words have never appeared on any college entrance exam, because they are not a mark of intelligence. Surely most children know what it is to tattle and we learn as we grow what it is to gossip. Teaching our children to avoid these common errors will help them to live above a lot of unnecessary drama. Life will have enough built-in drama without creating more through unkind words or gossip. The words we say leave a mark. Will our mark be one of building others or will it be a mark of one who tears down? I think these easily remembered rules are a great guidepost for our topics.
When I teach youth groups I teach them my super simple secret weapon that I have used countless times for decades! When confronted with information that is gossipy or rude, I simply change the topic. I look around the room and comment on the décor or tell a recent funny story. Works like a charm every time. It’s all in the enthusiasm. I know I am not a fan of passing on information about other people, when there are so many other beautiful and amazing topics to discuss and learn from every day! Teach your children the same and role play with them how to change the topic when an inappropriate joke is told, when gossip begins or when volatile topics begin to upset others. You can often control the discussion current! I have had very few times where changing the topic didn’t let us get away from something unsavory. I have been secretly thanked after a conversation by numerous people who were grateful for a subject change. You are not alone! Teach your kiddos to keep things uplifting!
Young children are so refreshingly honest and we don’t want to stifle their sweet innocence. (I LOVE to hear the words of a toddler!) However, it is definitely okay to teach them to not openly talk in a restaurant about a terrible rash on their body or vulgar words they learned from a playmate. As parents and mentors we do need to listen to them and help them sort their feelings and experiences! We also have a responsibility to help them notice what things are beautiful, uplifting and and a blessing to share with others. Once again, as with all manners, this simply takes practice. It’s not about being perfect, but it is about consistency.
Don’t forget that humor is your friend! Laugh! Life will give you many situational jokes as you teach and live! Teach your kiddos to find the funny too! Humor can diffuse difficult situations that are invariably a part of life too! One time I asked my 3 year old daughter “what are the magic words?” She looked at me puzzled for a minute and then innocently answered “Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo.” 😉 I think I was looking for a “please” but her answer seemed perfect!
One super important fact I will emphasize repeatedly is refined etiquette will quickly be lost in the pointing out of the imperfections of others. Everyday life can be riddled with currents of information that include vulgar language, random gossip from all walks of life and pointed criticism of friends and strangers. We swim in these currents, but keep smiling and do what you can to change the subjects to either the business at hand or a better topic. Please don’t criticize other, who have not taken the chance to practice etiquette or manners as diligently as you. This will not improve their behavior or your life. Stick to the high road, it’s prettier there! We are all learning!
Bottom line: Look for the good, point out the good, and be the good! This is not to say you shouldn’t teach your children to report bad or dangerous behavior, yes that is a different truth entirely. Be wise and teach your children to navigate these tricky waters too.
Part 2: Some things are meant to be private. In many ways this could be it’s own blog post, but we are just going to go straight forward! Just as in table manners (lesson 3) we discussed being human and needing burp or any variety of human functions, there is also additional grooming that is not meant to be done publicly. Plainly addressing: clipping toenails, removing callouses on feet, cleaning out your nose, cleaning your ears and etc. (countless more really). While we have witnessed people doing this before it often is accompanied by a rather repulsed interest. It is not meant for display. Isn’t it great that we have bathrooms and places of retreat where we can groom ourselves? Some things are meant to be private.
As we teach our children proper hygiene and overall maintenance of their terrific bodies, share with them that while you love for them to brush and braid their hair, this would not be appropriate to do at the dinner table, and yet perfectly natural in a room full of giggling girls or everyday in their bathroom.
Cleaning your teeth while sitting at the table with a flosser or toothpick, is also not the ideal. Remember the rule of thumb “whoever is moving in the room tends to get the attention” So whether you mean to pull focus to your grooming or not, it naturally comes. Do you really want people to watch as you pull your dinner out of your teeth? Perhaps you say you don’t really care. However, remember that manners are respect for others and self. Chances are you could excuse yourself for a moment, groom your smile and then return to conversation with confidence.
Will there be exceptions to this? Absolutely! If someone has been injured in your backyard, we deal with the emergency, without considering would this be better to move to the back room? There will be exceptions, but let’s not make them the norm. Helping your children of all ages to learn helps them also gain confidence.
Consider why many comics or funny situations are a blatant disregard for manners. There is some mischievous humor in the setting aside of societies rules of conduct. However, setting aside those manners in the day to day brings about a lack of propriety. This norm of propriety allows for learning, creativity and comfort. Picture a class on the party day full of crazy energy and laughter, so fun and wonderful, but not a great environment to learn science. Teach your children to recognize both.
Wow! This is rather a tall order, but calculus is NOT taught on the first day of second grade. Just like math builds upon rules of truth which take time to master. So it is with Etiquette. Refinement takes time. It also takes diligence, dedication and is even better with a big dose of love and humor too. We are trying to nurture amazing humans and that simply takes work!
Good luck in your nurturing! Don’t forget to laugh and continue with diligence, the results can be amazing!
