“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln
How is it that people who are in a wheelchair smile? What about a friend with cancer or another one of many debilitating diseases? Or even the unlucky person who fell and broke their wrist? There’s not even an exciting story with that broken wrist, just the pain and inconvenience.
I love that we get to choose everyday a dozen little choices. Perhaps I love this, because there are countless situations we cannot control. Some of these little choices do not significantly matter, like whether you choose the red shirt or the yellow one today. Other little choices we make add up in their consequences. For example, eating unrefined oatmeal as opposed to sugared cereal or perhaps a Snicker’s for lunch instead of a grilled chicken sandwich. Let’s make that a post for another day. 🙂
I had a difficult personal blow in the last few years. It took a serious toll on my family and relationships. There was very little I could do to make things better, despite my continual trying. Some situations are not in your control. It was terrible to experience all the drama unfold. Things that felt normal, beautiful and secure suddenly felt tenuous and strained. It was completely disorienting and stressful. I didn’t sleep well at night for a couple years during the ordeal. I ended up just focusing on getting through one day at a time.
I pasted a smile on my face and focused on helping my family with their daily projects. I volunteered at the local children’s museum and read aloud weekly in schools. I exercised everyday. Everything was certainly not bleak, but there was still a consistent daily stress and burden.
I remember being on the phone with my sister a few years back and she laughed at something silly from her life. That laughter felt so foreign and distant, almost inaccessible to me. I told her she was going to have to teach me to laugh again. That sounds so very melodramatic, but I wanted that laughter! I craved the ease and relief of humor again in my life.
So, I had to choose.
I couldn’t stay in that miserable place of uncertainty and stress. I had to choose in those circumstances that I couldn’t control, to be happy.
It was a struggle. Things that I depended on, were not the same.
I began writing every morning 3 things I was grateful for, to put my mind in a good place. I had a lot to be grateful for. As soon as negative thoughts or memories cropped up, I had to dismiss them as no longer necessary for my daily routine. Those thoughts and memories were not serving me. I had learned some patience, some tolerance and how to be resilient, but the rest I had to let go.
I am by nature a happy person, so I was striving to find that place again. That place of strength and outward thinking.
It took a few months of practice. More than a few months of working on it everyday. I choose to forgive the people involved in the trauma. Thank goodness! There is no need to schlep difficulty around!
There are still moments of rippling effect that come from that trauma. I don’t love it. However, I have chosen light and happiness. And my life is better for it! I have found many reasons to be happy, because I look everyday!
What I focus on grows! I choose light. I choose happiness. It does not take away all of the difficulty, but it is remarkable how it minimizes it.
I wonder what has gone askew in your life? I wonder if you are schlepping it around with you?
I hope this is the time to set it down and choose happy. It will be such a relief and then when you are ready, call me on the phone, and we can laugh together.
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