Once the pandemic set in and severely limited our daily activities, I realized that we needed to have something to look forward to. We decided that we’d start hanging out with our kids individually at least 2x a month. Saturday night is the night that works best for our family, so we asked our kids if they would enjoy having an individual late night with us in which they would choose whatever it is that they wanted to do with us. They were immediately excited!!
Now, before the pandemic, we would do our best to spend one-on-one time with our kids, but it was sporadic. One of us would take one of them out to dinner, or lunch, or a park date. After everything had been shut down date night options were few. So, we sat down with each kid and made a list of possible activities that we could enjoy together at home. Some ideas were, baking, crafts, coloring, or drawing, playing board games or reading books together. We have offered to watch a show with them or even a video game, but, honestly, none of them have decided to do anything with a screen. And now I don’t even mention it because I’d rather engage with them without screens. They have had more than their fill of technology during this era of Zoom and Google Meets and we are all happy for the break!
Ok, what do our date nights look like?
We decide what we’ll do. Snap a selfie with whichever kid we’re hanging out with, and then put the phones away. They have our undivided attention. Occasionally we will offer to take a picture of what else we are doing, but mostly we are just present with them. Late night looks different with each kid. Our 4-year-old stays up an hour past his bedtime (or 40 minutes), while our 12-year-old can stay up longer. (As a side note, we do not do this with our 2-year-old. We are all better off for having him well-rested. If you have a 2-year-old and want to start this tradition with them, I support and salute you!!!) It all depends upon the day, how they are feeling, and what the activity is. Once they’ve gone to bed I have a separate journal in which I record what we’ve done. That way we can remember the fun activities they’ve chosen and also to help change it up if they’d like.
Some of my favorite benefits have been just getting to know my kids individually again. As children grow their interests and talents change. It has been fun to see what gets them excited now! As you can imagine, with six children, it is no small feat to connect with them individually each day. These date nights are beneficial for children no matter how many siblings they have, though. Engaging in this type of activity helps them find out what they enjoy doing. It also helps us get to know them personally and see their strengths. It allows us to establish a relationship of trust and help them feel at ease with us.
I also find that my kids are more likely to speak with us about difficult topics. While we reinforce our friendship with them, they lean into it. I will take any opportunity I can get to help them remember that I am someone they can trust. Additionally, with my older kids we are able to help them navigate their feelings as their bodies are changing and they are constantly exposed to more things.
May they always seek our guidance as they encounter new challenges in life!!!
Now that restrictions have loosened and more places have opened up, we may start to incorporate outings, but not every time.
This tradition is one that I look forward to and cherish. We have been doing it off and on for about 8 months and it has been great! Some months are tricky if we are traveling or have had family in town, the date may be postponed, but never canceled. The kids often ask about it in anticipation and will come up with new suggestions of what they’d like to do, exploring the possibilities in their head of what their night will look like.
As they get older, I’m sure their needs and interests will change and our date nights will also look different. This little venture in parenting can feel overwhelming at times, but traditions like these make it more manageable and enjoyable!
Say what you will about 2020, but it Is the year that got us to decide to connect with our kids more meaningfully through this beautiful tradition, and for that, we are grateful!!
Kayleen
