One of the most important things you will teach your kiddos and family is to use the magic words of good etiquette that truly yield amazing results. Imagine for a moment if everyone in your life genuinely used these words everyday in a sincere manner. Does that give you a picture of peace? Let’s be a part of that peace friends! You can set the tone in your home, work, and even in daily interactions with strangers. Etiquette is powerful. Magic words like please and thank really do set a beautiful ambiance.
In teaching my class, I often start by brainstorming what magic words are and this is the list we usually reach:
- Please
- Thank You
- I’m Sorry
- Excuse Me
- You are Welcome
- I forgive you or No problem
Before we dive into each magic word, I must first address tone. The manner in which we say these words matters as much as the words themselves. In my class we role play situations. For example: What might you say if someone bumps into you at the bus stop? What would you do if your brother takes your favorite toy? How could you ask the teacher for help on a homework assignment? Then we ask them to give a good example and a bad example. Often the bad example may be using the same magic words of politeness, but the tone is all wrong. Imagine “I’m sorry” or “excuse me” being said in a sarcastic manner. Using the wrong tone with the right words is the wrong message and doesn’t count as polite.
Please: The word please is a funny word to me. I can easily hear the sound of toddlers in their small voices say “Peas” because they are learning to be polite, and then the insistent demanding “Peas!!!” they may exclaim feeling that word should attain them any privilege. Please is that magic word that acknowledges you are asking for something from another; Maybe time, an object, some kind of help or etc. I ask the kiddos in my class in what circumstances they use the word please, and we realize this is a word that can be used dozens of time each day! Use it liberally!
Thank You: One of my 5 children is in the habit of saying “Thank for dinner” every night. Once he says it, everyone else quickly catches on. Often dinner takes me about 45 minutes to an hour to make, and saying thank you takes less than a minute, but there is something powerful in appreciation! I ask my kiddos in my class to think of times that someone appreciated their effort and times when someone did not. I have them sit in those contrasting feelings for a minute, so they can understand the power of a sincere thank you!! Everyone knows what it’s like to do something kind for another and not have it acknowledged. Feeling unappreciated is a smidge demoralizing, so let’s pass out sincere appreciation often. Don’t forget to thank the crossing guard, your piano teacher or your soccer coach, all of these people are doing something to bless your life. Also parents hold your kiddos to terrific manners when you are carting them all over to their activities. Learning to say thank you to the driver is a way to spread good will!
I’m sorry and I forgive you: These words said with sincerity and eye contact can stop wars! It really does take two people to argue and two people to let offenses go. There is definite power in one person letting go of an offense but when two people engage in the process, it is like a magic eraser removing unkindness or hastiness. These words let friendships blossom and trust grow in a family. On the morning I was to teach about magic words, one of the young boys in my music class accidentally stepped on the foot of the girl next to him. It obviously hurt, because she shrieked in pain and wilted to the ground. Then she scrunched up in her face in anger at him. He looked at me bewildered because he felt the intensity of her emotion. I asked him calmly “Do you think you should apologize?” He immediately looked at her and helplessly blurted out “I’m sorry!” Then I instructed him to ask her “Are you okay?” Just these two steps of apology and asking about her well being melted her anger immediately. He then leaned over to help her up. She was seen and acknowledged. She said: “It’s okay, I’m okay.” I’m sure her toes still hurt, but somehow the magic words made things better.
If your kids are tweens or teenagers, you can discuss bigger potential incidents like car accidents and abuse that take a bigger sorry and forgiveness. Please role play and point out the person who doesn’t forgive is like unto drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Holding grudges becomes a weight to the person holding them. Forgive and move on! We can be so easily weighed down in life, but people are imperfect and we gotta just move forward. Teaching this life skill to your kiddos will bring huge dividends in the happiness in your kid’s life!
Excuse Me: I wonder if this statement or sentiment is the most lost in our culture right now. This is a marvelous phrase that engenders respect. We use it when needing to interrupt people, even if we wait politely to interrupt them because it is not an emergency. We use it when needing to pass someone to get on the subway, or reaching in to grab the pasta sauce we want at the store when someone is studying the products. We use it to cover any myriad of human functions that happen every day such as burping or even your stomach rumbling loudly. It truly is no big deal and acknowledges: “Oops” I caused a bit of a disruption, please excuse me. Magic!
You are welcome! Simply acknowledging that a person was welcome to the kindness given them is like tying the bow on a present. We often say “No problem” or “No big deal,” but consider saying “My pleasure” or “I was happy to do it!” Couple this with eye contact and you have some magic!!
A lesson is effective if the student changes their behavior for the good. I believe we often progress by degrees, rarely do we make astronomical lasting changes in one day, but little by little we improve. In teaching my own kiddos, I definitely use the marble jar method to reward good behavior. You can even use this pointedly on a prominent counter in the home for a week or two weeks if you need a more dramatic make-over for etiquette in your home.
Here’s one last thought, somewhere along the road of teaching your kiddos to be successful humans, we must also teach and show how to laugh at life. We will bump into each other along the way, that’s just how it goes. Lots of people won’t say sorry even for egregious actions, that also seems to be a part of life. Let’s teach our kiddos to bounce back from life’s difficulties. Laugh at the little bumps and still choose manners even when someone else does not. Picture playing against a skilled basketball team that is rough and rowdy. When they get off the court they speak coarsely and trash talk the people around them. They leave their trash and knock over random items. Now picture playing another equally skilled basketball team who congratulates the other team for their skills, who cleans up after themselves, still laughing and enjoying on the way out. Whose team do you want to be on? The game is over, but both teams have left an impression. Manners always matter.
Thank you for reading this article (See what I did there?) 😉 We all genuinely appreciate you teaching your kids, the darling team in your home or class to take the high road. Soon enough they will see the view from the high road is beautiful and freeing!
