Raising high achieving kids is no joke! 🙂 It is pretty much a constant work of affirmations, love, correction, discipline (for them & you) teaching and car pooling! There is also the joy of seeing the world through eyes of a child and the exhaustive getting up in the middle of the night because something scared them. We cannot possibly list all the beauty, difficulty and complications in this little paragraph, but I can suggest a simple system that will help easily teach life consequences, both positive and negative. Introducing The Mighty Marble Jar! You are going to love it!
The marble jar is as simple as it sounds. It is a small jar or container where you can add marbles according to the good behavior of your individual kiddo. That simple marble jar also teaches negative consequences. When your kiddo acts out in aggression or maybe refuses to cooperate, then we remove a few marbles from the jar. Good behavior equals more marbles meaning reward. Hooray! Poor behavior equals a negative consequence meaning marbles removed from the jar. Bummer, but definitely a part of life! This is a straightforward way to reward and offer negative consequences in a visual and tactile system in which your child can connect the dots! Their behavior truly has repercussions: good and bad.
Let me tell you how this works magic in my home. When I had the oldest 3 in elementary school and the youngest two were 2 years old and a baby, I had 4 marble jars on the counter just out of reach of the kiddos. This was for safety and to keep everything honest. (Kiddos received a marble jar with their name around age 2 or 3). If my oldest, age 10, got up for the day, got dressed, made her bed, ate breakfast, practiced the piano and brushed teeth before school she could earn 5 marbles in her jar. She could earn those every day! (See more about chore charts here) Let’s say my second kiddo, age 8, is in a crabby mood and is stalling getting dressed and making the bed. He has the same opportunity to earn 5 marbles, but he is just having an off morning. This happens, we are human! However, when my oldest is adding the 5 marbles to her jar, the second hears of her reward clinking in and wants also to earn it. This desire could sometimes shake off the crabbiness and spur him to action! He also wants marbles in his jar! Hooray! Are you hearing this win?
Let’s give another example: Let’s say it’s afterschool and it is time to do homework. Maybe your son has gotten home and has gotten right to work. If this is great behavior for him, even atypical behavior you can say “Wow! I really admire how you are working to get your homework done. You have earned 3 marbles!” Good consequences are added to the jar and all the kids are watching and listening. So they can see getting your work done in a happy manner earns rewards and plunking in those marbles sounds like affirmations to that kiddo. Now if everyone has gotten right to work, then hooray, let’s give marbles to everyone!
What about when one sibling is shouting at another? Or pushing or hitting? Well, you get to untangle the story and remove a few marbles as you see fit. It comes down to your family culture. You can say something like “I’m really sorry you are frustrated, however we do not hit in our family, so unfortunately we need to remove 4 marbles from your jar.” All the kiddos are watching and putting together that good behavior brings reward and poor behavior also has consequences.
There are a hundred variations that you can reward as you see fit. If your almost 3 year makes her bed, you can give 4 or 5 marbles because this is a new skill and they need the affirmation along with clapping and glee for a job well done! Help your toddler add those marbles to the jar! She will love it! If your 8 year old sees that you are trying to make dinner and takes the toddler who is hanging on your leg and reads to her, then you might give 8 marbles! That’s a lot, but we reward good character around here! Not only did that child see a need and fill it, but they also thought of a solution that would bless everyone! So good! I have often learned good things from watching my kids.
On the other hand, life always presents plenty of times to lose marble as well. Right?!? There’s lying, cheating, back talking and etc. We identify the the behavior that is not acceptable and give the consequences. For example: “I’m sorry you chose to lie, I will need to remove 6 marbles for this behavior and please know I will ask more questions in the future until we are in a better place of trust.” This system is completely flexible to what you are trying to establish in your family.
Are we ready for the fun? So what do you do when the jar is full? This presented a little trial and error for us. We finally figured that 40 marbles was a complete marble jar and was something that could be earned in one week’s time. When someone’s marble jar was full, they would excitedly tell me. Marble jars in my house are up a little high on a kitchen counter to keep babies and toddlers safe, but to also be constantly visible. When a jar is full, then the kiddo gets to choose something out of the treasure box! Our treasure box has big packs of gum, bags of mints, small toys, lip balm, small Rubik’s cubes and the like. Really when I run errands I snag whatever motivating items I can find, I am always on the lookout when out and about! My kids could also choose to exchange their marble jar toward something bigger. I keep track on my phone the earnings if my son is trying to buy a Lego set or my daughter is trying to buy some new fun pens. One marble jar equals $2. You can choose what one marble jar equals in your family.
This uncomplicated system can be used from preschool age through junior high. My friend actually used it in her family through High School and sometimes a full marble jar meant a boat trip on the lake with their dad! Whoa! Going to the lake sounds dreamy right now!
This system is painless! It is flexible to fit into different family cultures. It is understood by toddlers and teenagers. And most of all it is a doable system that might help you from losing your own marbles! I’ll take that any day!
These jars from Amazon look like a great fit, they are plastic and have the extra bonus of a lid. We personally prefer floral marbles that won’t roll away into toddler danger zones like these or these. There are lots of options. Have fun personalizing them with your kids. Good luck! Let us know of the goodness it yields in your own homes!
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We’re incorporating the jar and chore chart… we’re calling it a responsibility chart for our 12 and 10-year-old sons. We went to Dollar Tree and bought two jars, two bags of marbles, and two document plastic sleeves. I made my own version of the chore chart in excel and printed them out. Placed them into the plastic document sleeves and glued a magnet to the back. They will be placed on the fridge with a dry-erase marker.
Heather! Great plan! I hope it works out well for your family! We found consistency to be key! Best of blessings to you!