Did you know when President Ronald Reagan wanted to give up smoking his pipe, he realized he couldn’t just give up something! He had to purposely replace it with something else. He learned that not reaching for a pipe, left him craving that familiar habit, so he needed to put something in it’s place. He chose jelly bellies, that tiny jelly bean that helped him reach for a new normal. Beautifully, the nation supported their president. Herman Goelitz, owner of the candy company that created Jelly Bellies, sent him hundreds of pounds of Jelly Bellies over the course of years. President Reagan eventually gave out jars of Jelly Bellies with a presidential insignia as gifts of state.
We were in a Sunday School class once when a young man in his 20s said he had learned that when he was alone late at night, was the time when he was most likely to feel depressed. In his lonely and depressed state he often viewed pornography which made him feel worse. This young man said he discovered that instead of just trying to fight the urge to sink into depression, he began to take notice when his apartment was going to be empty of his roommates late at night. It was in those moments that he would purposely take walks, listen to a book or call a friend. He proactively chose to replace the circumstances that encouraged that loneliness and behavior. His honesty blessed all of us in the room that day as we contemplated the habits we wanted to replace.
A friend of mine was in a terrible habit of complaining. She was a talented and blessed individual, but somewhere along her life journey she began to pay attention to everything that bothered her and there was plenty. When we would chat, she would share many of her thoughts which were shockingly negative. This was having an effect on her kids too, they also spoke negatively. Did you know that attitudes are contagious? Psychologists call it “Emotional Contagion.” We are attuned to our families, co-workers, peers and etc. Complaining is contagious! Anger is contagious! Luckily, happiness and positivity are also contagious!
At the time I am writing this, we have been wearing masks on and off for the last two years, Russia is actively attacking Ukraine and there is a deep sense of polarization on social media. Did you know that who you follow on social media is also influencing you? Yep this aspect also falls into the emotional contagion. I guess “influencers” is an apt name for what they do. Perhaps we should examine the people who we choose to follow. Do they lead us to better thoughts, actions and lives? We are being influenced, is it for the better?
One of my daughter’s had a remarkable fourth grade teacher in Palm Beach, Florida. Her name is Mrs. Fahnoe. I always like to volunteer in my kid’s classes, but I was truly delighted to see this teacher in action. She believed most firmly in positivity and her students flourished in her care. When someone misbehaved or students were slow to respond, Mrs. Fahnoe would say “I really like the way Morgan is sitting and prepared to learn.” The students would look at Morgan and rush to mimic the behavior. One Friday their classroom activity was to tell each student what they were doing well. Each individual child had a chance to receive compliments from their peers. The kids in this class had their emotional buckets filled regularly and were learning to fill the buckets of those around them. They were treated positively and in this environment they could truly thrive. The positivity was contagious. Every time I came to volunteer I left smiling a little wider!
Mark Twain said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Ain’t that the truth? It is wonderful to be appreciated or valued for something you bring to your circle of influence. So bring it!! And also point out the wonderful in the people around you!
Smile. Point out the good to your family! Point out the delightful to your friends and coworkers! While we must also work on repairing that which is broken, we don’t have to do it with a scowl. Let’s try smiling more. Let’s try pointing out to our spouses the ways they are amazing.
Smiling is proven to reduce stress and help you appear more confident. So even for the moments when you might have to “fake it til you make it,” you could certainly find the energy for a small smile! May we choose to replace the behavior in our lives that do not serve us. Just like President Reagan craved his pipe, we crave the familiar habits we have developed. Are all of them serving us? Getting rid of a cigar smoking habit, avoiding situations that trigger loneliness and practicing gratitude in the place of practicing complaining goes a long way on the happiness scale. We could all use the emotional sunshine!
Last Note: My friends, I am not saying there is no time for grief, depression or difficulty. All of these are a part of the human experience and there is definitely room for the happy and the sad! However, I am boldly saying we CAN reduce the frivolous complaining, and the focus on negativity. We can eliminate the excess of criticism on line and in person. We all have plenty we can do to improve ourselves and I am truly grateful for the people who smile and spread verbal light wherever they go. 🙂 Let’s do this!
I leave you with this silly picture of my cute team on our recent “Tough Mudder” mud run!
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