Hey! Who wants to grow kindness in your home? I do! I’m working on it! If you want to seriously boost the kindness odometer in your home, then here is my suggestion: Secret Somethings! They are small acts of service that can transform the feeling in a home. (It also works in a classroom or an office!) It is the feeling of goodness and joy showing up in the everyday. Hooray! It’s my favorite small way to improve morale and family culture! I’ll take more kindness and love any day!
Many of us run around with our thoughts focused on the next task, or the newest drama to be solved. With a little bit of effort or an intentional change of focus we can turn our thoughts outward and some beautiful restorative kindness seeps into our lives and homes. This is the magic of Secret Somethings, the beauty of service!
On the chore chart for my kiddos are many items that boost responsibility and thus self esteem. Secret somethings are some of those required items. We incorporate these kind acts in an effort to train our kiddos to look for service opportunities all around them. I actually become giddy picturing their secret acts of thoughtfulness –sneaking behind the scenes to do some good for their siblings or parents.
While there is of course time for eating breakfast, making beds, practicing the piano and more on our daily chore charts; secret somethings are different than the norm! Secret Somethings require looking around at the people with whom you live and seeing what you could do to make their day brighter.
What can we do for a secret something?
There are so many options, let me share a few that have been done in my home. A sister might choose to sneak into her brother’s room and make the bed, while he is eating breakfast. A younger brother may put away his sister’s dance shoes she left out last night. An older brother might quickly sweep the floor while mom is putting the baby down for a nap! Anything! You get to choose! Brainstorm secret something ideas with your kiddos and then post that list on the fridge to inspire ideas! (This transfers to offices too: You might offer to run a coworker’s mail to the post office for them on the way home.) Kindness! It’s awesome! It’s contagious!
We usually have 3 secret somethings on everyone’s chore chart in my home. When the kiddo is under the age of 5, it’s usually a small act, but as they grow they become more creative. I’ve had 8 & 9 year old kids who read books to their younger siblings (3 books=3 secret somethings). A 10 year old sister push a little brother on the swing for awhile. The results are magical. Siblings bond through this and service truly softens family members, allowing love to seep into the sensitive emotional cracks caused by everyday quarrels. Yes! Breathe it in, you know you want to start this!
I know I said “Secret Somethings” meaning these kind deeds should not call attention to themselves. How do you read to a toddler and count it secret? Well sometimes we bend the rules. Many of the kind deeds are secret, but sometimes they are just kind deeds not worried about being discovered. There is value in the service being secret, because then no one is standing there hoping for praise for their deed. They just did it for the fun and for the kindness. (Maybe mostly because it’s on their chore chart–and that is a start!)
You can be a “Secret Something” adviser with your kids! You will find they may consult with you to see what they should do. This is joyful team work! You can coach kindness into a tricky relationship and watch it soften.
Try this out with your kiddos. It takes a while to make it a daily habit, but it is worth the effort. Of course there will be the occasional stray deed that didn’t turn out helpful, such as someone putting away a homework folder on a person’s bed that was purposely left by the door to not be forgotten in the morning. Yep. We have had a few of those! On the whole though, your kiddos hearts will grow as they tap into and get comfortable in seeing a need and filling it.
Teaching our kiddos to be kind is vital. While we all may hope for successful children, we definitely want kind ones! Taking a few minutes to share kindness every day, evokes genuine smiles and makes life sweet. I LOVE this sweetness. It is the stuff dreams are made of–or at least dreamy cultures within our homes. Practicing these secret somethings helps to develop a service minded attitude.
Please know the best consequence from these small acts of service is in the heart of the giver! While the receiver may feel joy in the gift, it is the giver who is truly changed (if only for a moment). These daily moments accumulate! Like pennies in a jar. It is easier to connect the dots for a child who knows first hand “When I do good, I feel good.” (Abraham Lincoln)
I have seen for myself numerous times a grumpy child who is plodding through their morning responsibilities grumbling and when they get to their secret somethings, they stall because attitude has them trapped. However, the amazing magic of looking for service to do for another melts away some of the grumpiness. Doing the actual service melts away more! Grumpiness is often a manifestation of selfishness, and service is the cure!
We could all use a big dose of this cure.
So I share with you one of favorite recipes for joy: Secret Somethings.
Pass on the goodness!
