I recently read a story about a teen boy on a bus that noticed a teen girl on the bus when she got up and had blood on the back of her pants. The boy got up and offered her his sweatshirt. She refused and he insisted, saying that he had a sister and understood. She took the sweatshirt, tied it around her waist and went on her way. I have lots of feelings about this story, but mostly, I hope that it’s true! I love the idea that there are teen boys looking out for girls that find themselves starting their periods at inopportune places! And being so selfless as to give up his sweatshirt? Even better! The best part of this hopefully true story, is that the parents of this boy had the wherewithal to teach their son to care for others in their time of need!! Even a time as embarrassing as a girl on her period!
I can remember a handful of times in which I needed a pad or tampon at school and knew that I could ask any girl in the class for an extra. I was always super discreet about it, of course, but sometimes you just can’t help it if a boy hears it or finds out you are on your period. After reading that story, I decided to read it to my 14 year old boy. I asked him what he would do in that situation. He shrugged and said, “Probably look the other way to help her not feel embarrassed.” And I would guess that this would be the natural reaction of most teens. So I pushed further. “Well, what’s another way you could handle it if you didn’t have a sweatshirt to offer her?” He shrugged again–the universal teen sign that they do not want to engage in the conversation. “I don’t know, tell her?” Which I followed up with, “you could even write her a note, or if she’s with a friend whisper it to the friend?” He nodded. I asked how he’d handle it if it were his littler sister and he said, “Oh, I’d just pull her aside and tell her. I’d probably walk behind her to help her.” The answer came a lot easier when we weren’t talking about a stranger. Then we spoke about the importance of offering support to people that might not have it as readily available as he does.
Now, I realize that this exact situation is not necessarily likely to happen to my son, but he is likely to hear mention of periods among his peers. Maybe a girl will drop a tampon out of her backpack in class, maybe someone will mention that they feel awful and don’t feel up for whatever that day. I am his mom and I can help prepare him to navigate it. The teen years and puberty are filled with a whole lotta weird things going on with the human body for both boys and girls alike. The more we help our kids to feel normal about it, the easier this transitional time will be.
Have the awkward conversations. Show them that you know about what is going on and that it is normal, natural, and necessary to becoming an adult. Their prefrontal cortex is under construction. Their body is busy rewiring their brain from child to adult, and while that can feel disconcerting and uncertain, we can be the constant in their lives helping them to see that some things don’t change–especially our love and acceptance of them!
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Kayleen
